Un bloc de Brian Cutts amb música i algun que altre comentari sobre les Terres de l’Ebre o l’actualitat ..... music and the odd comment on current affairs, or local news and events in southern Catalonia.
[Català/English] Ja s’han acabat
les festes de nadal amb la melancolia que també queda reflectit en les millors
cançons de nadal; aquella sensació agri-dolç de que, sí, és una festa, però
també vol dir que ha volat un altre any i cada any falta gent (o en sobre
segons com...), que els xiquets es fan gran, que les possibilitats de complir
els somnis es van reduint etc. Llavors ve tot seguit la festa de l’any nou, que
ve a ser el mateix sentiment. A més és un moment de mirar de cara al futur.
Aquesta cançó – perquè el blog, en teoria, se basa en cançons – es dels 90,
quan l’any 2000 era al futur però el significat és el mateix independentment de
quan ho escoltem. Una lletra amb la qual molts es podem sentir identificats. Mentre passen els
anys, creixem, les amistats van i venen, aquella noia/noi, pos, ja no tens
possibilitats amb ell/a... però tots acabarem d’una forma o d’una altra vivint
una vida simple i mundana, una vida que normalment no ens conten a les cançons.
...
Looks like
Christmas is over. That sweet yet melancholic time of year, a time to enjoy
life but also a time to remember those who aren’t here, and those dreams whose
odds of happening are getting longer and longer. Feelings expressed so well in
so many of the great Christmas songs. Then it’s New Year around the corner and
the same story again – another year over, just what have you done? Also a time
to look the future in the face, for better or for worse. Today’s song –
because, as long-time readers may recall, the blog is supposed to be
song-themed – sums up these feelings for me in a certain context. When it was
written, by that great Sheffield poet Jarvis Cocker in the 90s, the year 2000
sounded a far-off exotic future, but the feelings the song offers are just the
same whenever you hear it. We all grow up, friends change, that girl/boy you
fancied has got married to someone else, your dreams have come partly true or
landed in a drawer, but more often than not the future offers you a simple
mundane life – unlike the futures most Hollywood-esque songs suggest.
...
Oh we were
born within one hour of each other
Our mothers said we could be sister and brother
Your name is Deborah, Deborah
It never suited ya
And they said that when we grew up
We'd get married, and never split up
Oh, we never did it, although I often thought of it
Oh Deborah,
do you recall?
Your house was very small
With wood chip on the wall
When I came around to call
You didn't notice me at all
And I said
let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road
I never knew that you'd get married
I would be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago
You were the
first girl at school to get breasts
And Martyn said that you were the best
Oh the boys all loved you, but I was a mess
I had to watch them trying to get you undressed
We were friends, that was as far as it went
I used to walk you home sometimes but it meant
Oh, it meant nothing to you
'Cause you were so popular
Deborah do
you recall?
Your house was very small
With woodchip on the wall
When I came around to call
You didn't notice me at all
And I said
let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road
I never knew that you'd get married
I would be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago
Do it
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Ah Deborah
do you recall?
Oh, your house was very small
With wood chip on the wall
When I came around to call
You didn't notice me at all
And I said
let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road
I never knew that you'd get married
I would be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago
Oh what are
you doing Sunday baby
Would you like to come and meet me maybe?
You can even bring your baby
Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
What are you doing Sunday baby
Would you like to come and meet me maybe?
You can even bring your baby
Ooh ooh oh oh ooh ooh ooh
[Català/English] L’altra bogeria poètica que hem fet aquest any va ser allargar-nos a Sitges
pel Festival de Poetes. Fa un parell d’anys que un molt bon amic que hi viu
allí ens ho recomana i aquest any vam poder anar el dissabte. El festival dura
des de divendres tarde fins diumenge a migdia. Bàsicament és un homenatge a set
poetes diferents cada any. Son rebudes a l’estació de trens amb una banda de
música i desfilada per la ciutat, i desprès ve 3 dies d’actes variats i
divertits; obres d’art locals inspirats en les seves poesies, dinars, actes poètics,
música, regals pels poetes, etc. El millor que podeu fer és mirar el programaaquí. Nosaltres vam poder assistir als actes del dissabte, incluyent el dinar
plena de diversió i recitals on vam compartir taula amb una de les poetes, la
Samantha Barendson. Els altres poetes aquest any van ser: Quico Pi de la Serra,
Maria Cabrera (qui no va poder venir al final), Josep-Ramon Bach, Josep Porcar,
Isabel Ortega, i Ricard Garcia.
Un cap de setmana
intens i interessant, us ho puc recomanar.
...
The other
poetry adventure we went on this year was a trip to Sitges for the Poets’
Festival. An annual homage to seven poets. The poets are met at the station
with a brass band and then there is a parade through town, followed by 2 days
of fun and excitement; music, gifts, theatre, art, dinners, and of course
poetry. We only managed to go on the Saturday but enjoyed a full day of
activities. The lunch was amazing, sat at the same table as one of the poets
exchanging thoughts and experiences, and then the whole room erupted into
songs, jokes, recitals, speeches, a full-blown homage! The programme of events
from this year, and list of poets is here – in Catalan.
[Català/English] No sóc de grans aventures o tirar el
carro pel pedregal, però aquest estiu passat vam fer una cosa que, per a mi,
seria una (petita) bogeria. Travessar Anglaterra fent més de tres hores en
cotxe (i tres de tornada) per tenir una trobada amb l’Emergency Poet!
Fa un parell d’anys vam descobrir qui era la Emergency
Poet (Deborah Alma) quan mon germà ens va regalar una recopilació de poemes recopilació de poemes que
ella havia preparat. Poemes que poden ajudar-te davant dels problemes de la
vida. Vam investigar i vam descobrir que té una ambulància antiga, adaptada, i
va a fires literàries i altres esdeveniments on la gent pot tenir una
consultació amb ella. A traves d’una petita conversa, que pot ser més lleugera
o més profunda, ella et recepta certes poemes que et poden ajudar amb el que li
has explicat. Tant poden ser casos de problemes de solitud, el típic ‘la vida
em passa i em faig gran’, tristesa, canvis, falta de canvis, relacions, el que sigui... o
també pot fer consultes més divertides i fins i tot per xiquets ja que també
visita escoles.
En fi, vam fer hores i hores d’autopista i camins estrets per acabar en un
poble de conte (Bishop's Castle), amb l’ambulància de la Emergency Poet aparcat amb força saviesa al
parking d’un pub. Ens vam presentar (bé, ja havíem parlat per email per
concretar l’hora de la consulta), i després la Silvia i jo vam entrar
individualment per a les nostres visites. Va ser molt, però molt, interessant, i ens
van receptar 3 poemes cada u. Al final del post, posaré un dels que em va donar.
Després, com que ens intriga l’idea del que fa i en volíem saber més, vam
passar al pub i amb una pinta de cervesa vam parlar amb la poeta per una hora
llarga més, de poemes, literatura, la vida... un dia esplèndid!
El mateix dia la Deborah també ens va explicar que volia obrir una Farmacia Poetica en una botiga antigua del poble, que acabaria sent una llibreria de poesia i molt més! Explica el projecte aquí. Fa un parell d'anys es va aconseguir obrir-la!! Aquí el web => Poetry Pharmacy Poetry Pharmacy
...
Not one for mad adventures, especially if it involves
driving for miles and miles, but last summer I made an exception and ended up
driving three hours from one side of England to the other (and three hours
back) for an appointment with the Emergency Poet (Deborah Alma)!
We first found out about Deborah through one of the
poetry compilations she has put together; a selection of poems grouped into
sections for different problems or issues you may be facing in life. On further
investigation, we discovered this is actually what she does – holds
appointments in the back of her old converted ambulance with ‘patients’ to see
what poems may be suitable to help out. People take their serious life problems
– sadness, loneliness, missing something etc. – and she listens and chats with
you until she decides which poems to prescribe. Or you can go in for an appointment on a lighter
note, not everything has to be ground-shattering; or she even holds sessions
with school pupils coming up with funny poems they might like. After following
her on social media and requesting an appointment in the fairytale town of
Bishop’s Castle where she currently lives (we have never managed to coincide at
any of the book fairs or literature events she is at, so we eventually decided
to drive three hours and go there), last August we stocked the car with sandwiches, tea, and a desire
to enjoy the experience and off we went.
After presenting ourselves, we went to the ambulance,
usefully parked in a pub car park, and both Silvia and myself had our
appointments. It was great fun and highly recommendable. You should definitely
check her out if she comes to an event near you. Afterwards, we went into the
pub and continued chatting about how and why she’d had this idea, how it works,
poetry, literature, life...
All in all, a grand day out. You can read more at her website or check her out on Twitter and Facebook. Finally, here are some photos and one of
the poems I was prescribed.
UPDATE April 2019: Deborah is now setting up a Poetry Pharmacy in Bishop's Castle. It sounds wonderful and is explained here at the Kickstarter link where you can actually help bring this project to life!
...
The Word – Tony Hoagland
Down near the bottom
of the crossed-out list
of things you have to do today,
between “green thread”
and “broccoli” you find
that you have penciled “sunlight.”
Resting on the page, the
word
is beautiful, it touches you
as if you had a friend
and sunlight were a present
he had sent you from some place distant
as this morning—to cheer you up,
and to remind you that,
among your duties, pleasure
is a thing
that also needs
accomplishing.
Do you remember?
that time and light are kinds
of love, and love
is no less practical
than a coffee grinder
or a safe spare tire?
Tomorrow you may be utterly
without a clue
but today you get a
telegram,
from the heart in exile
proclaiming that the kingdom
still exists,
the king and queen alive,
still speaking to their children,
—to any one among them
who can find the time,
to sit out in the sun and listen.
Let’s start at the beginning. Summer
2013 I was diagnosed with a Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT). I wrote about the
6-month experience here (link). Two years later, summer 2015, I suffered a
thrombophlebitis or superficial vein thrombosis, which I also blogged about (link). After that the doctors ran a test on me to see if I had a genetic
disposition (a mutation of the Factor V Leiden) to thrombosis problems. The results
said I had inherited this problem but only from one parent, which isn't so bad. Not good, but not bad. After seeing various experts, the conclusion was
the same as back in 2013 – just bad luck, and advice to keep
wearing the compression stockings, every day, summer and winter. Which I have
done.
But, a month ago, October 2018, I
was diagnosed with another DVT in the same leg! A similar process, extreme pain
in my lower leg, swelling, a bit redder and warmer than the other leg... when
the GP saw it (30 October), he recommended going to the hospital Emergency department straight away for
tests to rule out (or not) the possibility of it being a new DVT. Six hours
later, blood tests and an ultrasound scan done on my leg, it turned out I’d got
a DVT again (and in more than one vein from what I understand). So we then
relived the 2013 moment – serious doctors telling me seriously not to worry,
they’d get me through this etc, but for God’s sake, don’t move around! Go
straight home, bed rest and don’t move for several days. Plus those
anti-coagulant injections and some Sintrom pills (the equivalent of Warfarin in
the UK I think). So I spent a couple of panic-stricken weeks at home, lying
still except for the need to carry out specific bodily functions or eat
something, and just getting up to go back to the hospital to have my blood
tested and Sintrom dosage adapted accordingly. I won’t be seeing the ‘expert’
until December when I have an appointment with either the hematologist (blood
consultant) or vascular doctor (vein consultant), so until then I don’t really
know what’s next. Keep taking the pills of course.
As to what I should do now,
4 weeks into the problem, I’m combining intuition, experience from 5 years ago,
and Google research (I know, I know!). Because one of the main problems or
worries now is, what should I be doing. The Emergency Ward doctor told me the
first day to stay still, at least a week, maybe two.... but now four weeks have
gone by and I still won’t be seeing the specialist until week seven. So,
following my research, I think (but I’d love to ask a doctor!) I should be
trying for a balance of rest, and not doing anything daft, but gradually moving
about a bit as probably the worst moment has passed. As I said in a previous
post, the worst moment actually lasts a few weeks and it’s when the blood clot
can break free and travel around your veins and block your lungs and cause
serious damage or, speaking clearly, kill you. I think/pray that risk is now
reduced substantially after 4 weeks on the pills, which is more or less what
Google’s telling me. But still, those nights when you lay awake paying
attention to every single twinge, ache, pain, even trapped wind, thinking ‘Is
this it? Do I need to get off to the hospital NOW? What about the kids? Where
are my shoes? etc’ until you eventually drop off to sleep and wake up the next
morning realizing you’re fine....
So, I’ve been off work for a month
and will probably be off till Christmas I imagine. I can, and have decided it’s
best to, move around the house and garden now, going out from time to time (for
example, round the supermarket), and just lie down for an hour at a time to ease
the pain. When I get up, I do light things around the house, but can only sit
down for short periods as that’s the most painful moment. In a couple of weeks
I’ll see the consultant and hopefully get a clearer picture of where I am and
what I should be doing, and, more importantly, find out if they have any idea
why this “one-off” problem has happened again despite my precautions (not
sitting down for long periods, feet exercises, liquids galore, expensive
stockings, reasonable fit and healthy, anti-coagulant injections before
flights).
...................................
Començarem al principi. A l’estiu del 2013
em van diagnosticar un trombosi de vena profunda (TVP), el qual em va tenir
patint fins gener 2014, i de la qual vaig escriure aquí (link). Dos anys després,
a l’estiu 2015 vaig patir un tromboflebitis a la mateixa cama, probablement a
causa de la TVP anterior (link). Vaig tornar a fer la ronda de metges. Em van fer una
prova per assegurar que no tenia cap problema genètic (com una mutació del
Factor V Leiden). Vaig rebre el OK i un ‘No pateixes’, i em van recomanar
portar mitjons de compressió tot l’any, estiu i hivern, dia sí, dia també. Amb
això pensava que ja estava tot arreglat...
però... sorpresa, ara a l’octubre 2018 han
tornat a trobar un TVP a la mateixa cama.
Vaig començar a notar un dolor agut,
vaig anar al metge de capçalera, i em va dir que donat els precedents, millor
anar a urgències a fer les proves per descartar que fos un TVP. Sis hores
d’urgències desprès, i, sorpresa, les proves (una de sang, i l’ecografia de la
cama) donaven positiu. Llavors va passar el mateix que el 2013, cares serioses
dels metges, paraules recomfortants, i consells de sobretot no moure’s en
absolut durant uns dies o setmanes, donat que (com vaig explicar el primer cop)
el coàgul que està tapant la vena pot començar a ‘flotar’ dins de la vena fins
arribar a tapar l’entrada al pulmó i l’historia acabaria molt malament. Et
donen les típiques injeccions per fer la sang menys coaguladora (¿), i les
pastilles famoses Sintrom. Llavors, quieto a casa, menys els dies que has
d’anar a l’hospital per fer el control del Sintrom – que és el dia quan
decideixen si tenen la dosi ben calculada o no, i t’ho van ajustant. De moment
fa 4 setmanes que estic de baixa i crec que arribarà fins nadal. D’aquí uns
dies toca visita amb l’especialista, o l’hematòleg o el vascular.
Crec que ja ho he explicat en posts
anteriors, per mi el pitjor d’això és no saber que passa, no saber fins a quan
hi ha perill, fins a quin punt no t’has de moure, o sí que has de moure. Surts
de l’hospital amb instruccions de no moure’s en absolut. Però llavors no veuré
el metge fins que hagin passat 6 setmanes. Mentrestant, que? He d’estar 6
setmanes enganxat al llit tremolant de temor? O pots fer alguna cosa? I aquest
perill de tapar-te un pulmó, com ho notaria, que passarà? Si em moc la cama és
possible que jo mateix posi en moviment el coàgul?
Amb una mica d’intuició, i els records de
fa 5 anys, i una buscada per Google, he deduït que a partir d’un parell de
setmanes has de buscar un equilibri i començar a moure una mica però evitar
segons quines accions o postures... diuen que hi ha perill de que el coàgul es
mou durant unes 4 setmanes. Faig molt de llit/sofa encara, però ara, a 4
setmanes, m’aixeco cada horeta, em moc dins de casa o al jardí, i minimitzo les
estones de cadira que és quan em fa més mal. Però clar, això que diuen de que tens
aquesta cosa a dins i es pot moure i et pot matar, pos, cada nit quan no pots
dormir (o sigui, cada nit!) comences a analitzar cada sensació, cada petita molèstia o punxada... he
estat molt a prop de sortir corrents cap a urgències diverses nits, però al
final he esperat i ha passat, ja que evidentment són les petites sensacions
‘normals’ d’un cos. Però com que no sé com se sent tenir un coàgul tapant-me el
pulmó fins que passi, pos, jo, a la deriva. En fi, ja tinc moltes ganes de
parlar en l’expert per fer-li mil preguntes, saber que puc (no) fer ara, i
sobretot si tenen alguna explicació del perquè m’ha tornat a passar.
[CAT/ENG] Per a saber que
és i com enfocar la malaltia coneguda com a ‘depressió’, més val llegir un
llibre d’un expert o, molt millor, parlar en un professional, en comptes de llegir les meves
reflexions. Aquí jo simplement vull deixar 4 punts de com ho veig jo des de fora, i d'haver parlat en amics i llegit 4 coses, ja que crec
que els problemes de salut mental són unes de les malalties més complicades i més poc compreses per a la gent i si entre tots hi podem anar parlant més obertament, doncs, potser serà un pas d'ajut.
Per mi, el primer
problema amb una 'depressió' és el mateix nom. La gent connecta una ‘depressió’ amb el verb deprimir-se
i estar deprimit, i això no ajuda gens. Pocs apreciem la gravetat de la malaltia;
pensem que és com estar deprimit i comencem a dir coses poc utiles com
‘Anima’t’, o ‘Jo també m’ho passo malament’ etc. Tots ens hem sentit tristos un
dia o una temporada (el primer dia de feina després de vacances, "estic depre..", per exemple), però el temps l’ha curat. Això no té res a veure amb la malaltia 'depressió'. El temps tot sol no cura les
depressions o problemes pareguts. Cal moltes coses més. Fins i tot, més que curar, sovint l’únic
que es pot aconseguir és sobreviure i conviure amb el problema. També,
pel mateix motiu, 'depressió' és una paraula usada massa sovint per definir problemes o sentiments
temporals que realment no són malalties.
Pel que entenc
jo, les depressions venen per diferents motius, o sovint una barreja. Poden ser
un problema més bé bio-químic, per temes de desequilibris bio-quimics, o més un
problema psicològic, que poden tenir els seus orígens en problemes o situacions
que li ha tocat viure a la persona en qüestió. Pel fet de que de vegades són una barreja de causes, sovint les
‘solucions’ també són una barreja d’ajut psicològic i medicines. O una de les
dos coses. Tot depèn de cada persona – per això, tal com he dit, entenc que és
important parlar en algú que sap, i no només fer una buscada a Google. Tal com
he dit abans, aquí només vull compartir quatre reflexions per a la gent del
voltant, a veure si podem aprendre com ajudar.
Els problemes de salut mental com les depressions
poden durar anys i panys, tenir alts i baixos, i de vegades la gent se’n surt,
i de vegades simplement aprenen a conviure i gestionar-ho - si tenen sort i tot va bé. Però l’important és rebre
el tractament que toca i canviar les coses de la vida que pots fins trobar-te
més còmode.
La gent que ho
pateix, de vegades son conscients que necessiten ajut, i de vegades la
depressió mateixa fa que no demanen ajut. Les símptomes i efectes de patir-ne
poden incloure; ganes de no fer res. L’impossibilitat de fer res. Quedar-te a
casa, al llit. Apatia continua i cansament profund. O, al contrari, moments de
sobre-excitació. Incapacitat de decidir o canviar res. Deixar la feina. Deixar les relacions i 'obligacions' del dia a dia. Obsessions. Atacs de
panic/ansietat. Vòmits i migranyes. Altres problemes de salut aparentment físics,
però relacionat o provocat per la depressió. No menjar/beure. Menjar/beure
massa. Auto-lesions, físics i psicològics. Sensacions insuperables de culpa, de
falta de confiança, de falta d’auto-estima, d’inferioritat. Ira. Falta de
concentració. Fallos de memòria. No voler acceptar comentaris positives o ajud. Obsessió amb
el passat. Paranoia. I, sobre tot, caure en un forat negre del qual és molt
difícil sortir-s’en.
‘Buah, jo també
estava deprimit quan em va passar xx’. Per a la gent del voltant, és un error
comparar les nostres baixons amb una depressió o un altre problema greu de salut mental; no podem arribar a imaginar el
que està passant pel cap d’aquella persona. Simplement hem d’estar allí per
quan ens necessita, i apartar-nos quan no ens necessita. Sí, és cert, de vegades ens cal
saber deixar-los sols una estona. No passa res per deixar-los sols si la persona en qüestiósap que allò és el que necessita en aquell
moment. Evidentment també, si les circumstancies d’una manera de viure li han
portat fins aquí, doncs és evident que ha de canviar coses en la seva vida i hàbits.
Potser no ho podem entendre o no ens agrada a la gent del voltant, però hem d’acceptar que la persona
ha de trobar una sortida, ha de canviar el que sigui per intentar sobreviure. Sí, sobreviure. Lo primer és la salut. Han
d’evitar l’estrès, relacions estressants, treball estressant, moments de
tensió, i seguir el que els ve de gust, oblidant-se de les 'obligacions' de la societat moderna. I la gent del voltant ho hem d’acceptar
– i entendre’l si podem – però com a mínim, acceptar-ho i estar per ell/ella si
o quan ens vol.
‘Vinga, anima’t,
que has de tornar a aixecar-te i sortir d’aixó’. Bé, per a respondre a aquest comentari típic, la metàfora més comú que
he vist escrita és: Veritat que no diries a una persona amb la cama trencada, ‘Vinga, a
caminar!’ ? O a una persona amb hepatitis o un problema de cor, ‘Au, és només un
problema del cap. Mira a mi, jo no deixo que les coses em fan mal.’ ? Pos, és
així. Si una persona té la malaltia coneguda, malhauradament lingüisticament,
com una depressió, hem d’entendre que això és una malaltia i no només un estat
temporal i que necessita el seu temps i tractament per a curar o, més ben dit,
per arribar a un equilibri on es pot gestionar/conviure. Els que estem al
voltant hem de saber i acceptar que aquesta persona té un problema, i
simplement ajudar en el que podem o el que ens demanem.
'Tranquil, molt aviat tot tornarà a estar com abans.' En primer lloc, res passa 'aviat' en qüestions de salut mental. En segon lloc, com he dit abans, dificilment la solució passa per tornar a estar com abans.
'Si estas tant malament, com és que surts de festa?' Pos, com hem dit abans, com gairebé tothom, tenen alts i baixos, coses que els va bé, coses que no. Dies que poden, dies que no.
Que podem fer, doncs, si estem a prop d'algú patint problemes així? Acceptar. Intentar
comprendre, però sense voler saber tot (si ja és prou difícil per al malalt
trobar a dins seu el que li passa, només caldria que els amics/families li
obliguem a explicar-ho). No demanar explicacions, ni pressionar. Si li vols
parlar, primer crea confiança i dona'l temps. Pregunta si es troba bé bé, si vol parlar. No criticar o comparar o menysprear el que
li passa, parlant i comparant-ho amb els teus problemes. Donar ànims, però sense passar-nos – tampoc va bé aquest tipus de super-persona super-positiva que veu que
sempre es pot sortir de tot, ja que de vegades cal donar un temps acceptant que
sí, que avui toca quedar al llit i no passa res. Si el malalt només sent ‘Vinga,
que tu pots’ continuament i ell/ella sap que no, que no pot (avui), l’enfonsarem encara més. Estimar. Dona'l temps i més temps. Cuidar-te tu també - si la gent al voltant del malalt també cauen, les coses no aniran bé. No buscar una
felicitat ‘perfecte’, sinó raonable. Acceptar que les coses no seran com abans. Tot ha de canviar, per molt dur que sembla. Enfocar sempre les coses bones d’aquesta
persona, sense qüestionar o criticar com porta la malaltia o la vida en si. Buscar
i remarcar les coses boniques que fa. Donar-los anims a fer-ne més. En fi, comprensió. Una depressió no és un
baixon, no és tenir els blues i sentir-te trist perquè les coses et van malament, sinó
alguna cosa molt més complicada.
....
If anyone
thinks they may be suffering from a depression, please see an expert. All I aim
to do here is offer a few thoughts I’ve gathered from reading and listening to people as I think mental health issues are a grossly mis-understood problem which we should all try to understand and talk about more openly.
To start
with, I believe the word ‘depression’ in itself is what leads many of us to
fail to understand the seriousness of the illness. We link it in our minds to
the verb ‘being depressed’, ‘feeling depressed’ and so on. And it’s not true. A
‘depression’ is an illness far removed from simply feeling down. So shouting
out ‘Cheer up’ or ‘I know how you feel’ is of no benefit of all and will
probably do more harm than good. Everyone’s felt down at some moment, but time
usually heals it and you end up getting over whatever problem may have made you
get the blues. But, from what I see, time alone rarely heals a ‘depression’. In
fact, even alongside other pro-active actions like seeing a psychologist and/or
taking medicine, a depression may never be cured completely. Maybe it’s just a
question of learning how to manage it and live with it? So, first tip; don’t
link ‘I’m feeling depressed because xx’ with what a true depression must feel
like.
From the
little I’ve learnt, I think depressions can have two kinds of causes, or a
combination of both: bio-chemical problems, which need medical treatment. Or phsychological
problems, which need a different kind of treatment. Or, more probably, as I
say, most people need a combination of both. I’ll repeat what I said earlier –
I ain’t no expert. If you think you may be suffering from a depression, or know
someone who is, please seek help straight away. I’m just laying out here my
experiences from living near a case.
Depressions
can last years, can have ups and downs, long periods of ‘normality’, and then
falling back down again. Sometimes people overcome them, some other cases
simply learn to survive and manage them. Others aren’t so lucky. The key thing
is for people to get help and treatment and make the changes to their lives
which are necessary.
People
suffering from a depression sometimes know they need help, or at other times
the illness itself prevents them from seeing this. Symptoms and effects may
include: Not wanting to do anything. Being unable to do anything. Just wanting
to stay at home, in bed. Apathy and exhaustion. Or, sometimes, the opposite;
moments of over-excitation. Unable to make decisions or (necessary) changes.
Obsessions. Panic attacks. Anxiety. Vomits. Migraines. Other health problems.
Not eating/drinking. Over-eating/drinking. Self-harm, both psychological and
physical. Unbearable feelings of guilt, lack of self-confidence, lack of
self-esteem. Feelings of inferiority. Anger. Inability to concentrate or
remember. Unable to accept help or positive comments. Obsessed with the past.
Paranoia. And, above all, falling into a black well from which it is very, very
difficult to climb out.
‘Yeah, I felt bad too when xxxx happened’. One big
mistake by those of us near a person with a depression is to try to compare our
sad moments with what they are suffering. We have no idea what is happening in
that person’s mind, but they definitely don’t just feel down because their dog
has died or they’ve lost their job. The best thing to do is not to say things like
this, but to simply try and be there when, and if they want us to. Yes, ‘if they
want us’. Sometimes it’s important not to put pressure on them; if they need
time alone, time to cry, we should accept it. The recovery, if it happens, is
not a lineal graph. Remember too that if this person’s life has brought them to
this point, they probably need to change (major) aspects of their life and
habits whether you agree or not. Maybe you won’t understand, but try and accept
it at least. A person with a depression is struggling to find a way out, a way
to survive – they don’t need us laying down the rules. They need to avoid
stress, tension, work and family situations which create stress. And do the
things they feel like doing. Those of us watching and trying to help have to
try and accept and understand all this.
‘Cheer up. You can’t let this keep you down.
Get up!’. One of the best metaphors I’ve read in response to this attitude is, ‘Would
you tell a person with a broken leg to ‘get over it’ and ‘get out and run’?’ or
a person with a heart disease or hepatitis ‘It’s just in your head. Don’t let
it affect you’? Well, that’s the same here. A depression is an illness, not ‘feeling
sad’. They need time and the correct treatment to try and reach a balance where
they can survive and/or overcome it. All we can do is be there for them.
'Don't worry, you'll soon be over this and everything will be back to normal.' First of all, the word 'soon' and mental health issues don't usually go together. And secondly, as I've said, I think the 'solution' rarely involves going back to where you were before.
So, what can we do if we know someone suffering? Accept them
and their illness. Try to understand. But don’t demand full explanations or
24/7 updates – it’s hard enough for them to understand what’s happening
themselves without having to give constant explanations to those of us
watching. Don’t put pressure on them,. If they want to speak, they’ll only do
it in an environment of trust and love. Give them time – and trust and love.
Don’t criticize how they are approaching the problem or spend all the time
comparing it to your problems. Give encouragement – but don’t overdo it (those
super-humans who insist you can fight and win, and don’t let it get to you etc.,
don’t help – a person telling you ‘yes, you can’ every day when you ‘know’ that
you can’t, just needs to step back). Time. Patience. Love. Comprehension. Accept that nothing will be like it was before. Don’t
search for a perfect point of happiness or a simple return to where things were before. Look for
the positive in the person and talk about it. Look for and point out the
beautiful things they do. Don’t tell them how to deal with their problems. To
sum up, understanding, trust, and patience. A depression isn’t just feeling
blue, it’s something all together much more serious.