Eduqueu els fills #marfanta

 Article publicat originalment a la Marfanta 23/2/2020  i revisat-corregit al 2022.

L’any [2020] ha començat tal com va acabar l’any anterior, amb el mateix malson de notícies horroroses sobre abusos sexuals, coaccions, assetjaments, violència de gènere, violacions, morts… no passa setmana sense assabentar-nos d’un altre cas de violència contra les noies i les dones. Sembla ser que no hi ha manera d’aturar aquesta violència; és com si ‘acceptem’ com a societat aquests atacs continus contra les dones (sí, ja sé que 'acceptem' moltes desgràcies i horrors contra diversos grups de persones però avui vull centrar-me en aquesta). Potser simplement com a resultat del sistema que ens ha criat, la societat en general accepta com a ‘normal’ això de controlar, insultar o menysprear a les noies i dones. Tolerem, i fins i tot promovem, actituds masclistes o violentes dia sí, dia també, en les nostres vides. El que vull dir és que els casos més extrems que surten a les noticies són uns, però darrere d’ells n’hi ha molts més casos aparentment menys escandalosos que no són ni notícia, i darrere d’ells, una societat que accepta el menyspreu envers les dones diàriament i ho viu com a ‘normal’ i genera les condicions que donen pas a tot el que hem vist.

Per sort, hi ha molts moviments, entitats i associacions de dones que fa anys que treballen en això i evidentment en saben molt més del tema que jo, que simplement vull aportar el que puc (des del punt de vista privilegiat d'un home). Aquests entitats ajuden les víctimes, donen eines a noies per a saber què fer quan es troben en situacions abusives o perilloses, i treballen per a intentar que les lleis i accions judicials també posen de la seva part per a eradicar aquesta plaga. Una de les coses més importants que podem fer és escoltar-les i demanar que les donen els recursos i la difusió necessari, i també obligar les autoritats a prendre el tema seriosament.

Però els homes també hem de fer el que ens toca per acabar amb això. Massa cops sentim el ‘Val, això passa però no tots els homes són així’. Doncs, quan una dona camina pel carrer, com sap ella quins homes ‘són així’ i quins no? La sensació de no saber d’on vindrà el perill, el menyspreu, i la denigració és present tot el dia i més val que els homes ens ho fiquem al cap de que sí, que tots som el problema i ens toca actuar. Donar suport a qui ho necessita, parlar amb els homes que tenim al voltant, aprendre a detectar actituds masclistes etc., sense caure en el ‘mansplaining’ (definició: un home intentant explicar alguna cosa a les dones, quan de ben segur que elles ja en saben molt més que ell). 

He començat parlant de casos de noies i dones que pateixen atacs, abusos, etc. però hauria d’haver escrit ‘casos d’homes que ataquen i abusen…’, posant l’enfocament sobre qui realment és el culpable. Que sí, teniu raó, també hi ha casos de abusos i violència psicològica i física de dones contra homes, i de dones contra dones, i d’homes contra homes, i d'homes contra gossos, etc. si vols englobar tot, però no cal ser Einstein per a veure que els números canten i ens diuen clarament on tenim el problema més gros, i de lluny, tipus de 999 versus 1. A més a més, sembla que encara seguim un patró que fa anys que és així. Probablement des de l’època d’Adam i Eva. Per tot això, vull posar el meu petit gra de sorra que espero que serveixi per alguna cosa, com a mínim per a fer reflexionar a algun amic o conegut. 

Com podem frenar i revertir aquests actituds que estan tan estesos en la societat? Com podem fer que els nostres fills siguin la generació que acaben amb aquesta lacra? Com podem trencar el silenci  (perquè, malgrat els titulars, hi ha molt de silenci encara)? Doncs, començant pels nostres fills – i aquí vull dir precisament ‘fills’, i no pas filles. Pares, iaios, tios, germans grans – ja parlem amb els xiquets? Ja els eduquem sobre la importància del respecte, de la tolerància, del dret de tothom de viure tranquils, d’entendre el que són els maltractaments i evitar-los, amb exemples clars i concrets? Ja els expliquem que hem de redreçar alguns actituds com els estereotips home/dona, o insultar a les companyes d’institut, fer-les bullying, i criticar el seu aspecte? Ja tallem de soca-rel els acudits sexistes i els hi expliquem als fills que, amb segons quins comentaris o actes que fan la gent famosa o role models que surten a la tele, doncs, no anem bé? Els hi expliquem als fills que si continuem tolerant això, som una societat malalta, sense futur?

Una proposta. Com a professor, estic en contacte amb molts xiquets any rere any i veig que un dels temes que mai passa de moda és el futbol. Déu-n’hi-do la quantitat de xiquets que estan apuntats a escoles i equips de futbol, i la importància que té per a ells l’esport i els seus mentors. I si aquests entrenadors, uns petits Déus per a molts nois, també facin el paper d’educador? Els entrenadors són una gent als quals els xiquets tenen molt en compte. Potser l’àmbit del futbol masculí seria un espai on els xiquets sentirien que es pot parlar entre ells i amb l’entrenador, es crearien complicitats, i els nois tindrien la confiança per a parlar-ne, per a escoltar i reflexionar. I a mida que van creixent, qui sap, potser cada dia tindríem un comentari masclista menys, un acudit sobre violacions menys, un crit de ‘puta’ menys… Clar, això no és feina d’un dia ni feina de gent que no sap fer-ho. Per a arribar bé als xiquets, i trobar el punt de comprensió i complicitat amb ells, els propis entrenadors haurien de rebre una formació especial de part de les expertes per a començar. Potser aquestes comissions que es formen als nostres ajuntaments per a mirar de reduir la violència de gènere podrien organitzar cursets? Bé, deixo l’idea aquí. No sé si ja es fa en algun lloc, o si és factible o quins resultats donaria, però potser una campanya així ajudaria una mica. Tots hem d'obrir els ulls, veure allò que fa anys que les dones del nostre voltant saben molt bé, i posar de la nostra part i pensar en com podem ajudar si volem començar a donar la volta a aquest malson.

*BRIAN CUTTS és pare i professor.

*Aquest article és una revisió d’una entrada publicada originalment el 23 de febrer del 2020.

Pain and suffering transformed into music and hope - Allison Russell

[a rough English translation of an article I have had published on a local Catalan news and culture website - link]

We were fortunate enough to hear the wonderful voice of Allison Russell singing live a few years ago in Elsecar, a small South Yorkshire village immersed in an economic and social crisis ever since the coal mining industry was closed down back in the 1980s. A village abandoned to its fate by the authorities in power and suffering from many social problems, dysfunctional situations, and a high rate of unemployment … but also a community of people who are fighting to get things back on track. Some years ago they converted many of the old mine buildings into sites for local shops, craft workshops, and tea rooms as well as using one for concerts. It was there that we attended a small folk festival in 2013 and by chance chose to see the (then relatively unknown to most of us) Birds of Chicago. We were, as they say, gobsmacked! The magical combination of the voices of the group’s leaders, Allison Russell and her partner (on and off stage) JT Nero, led us through a treasure trove of country, soul and folk music. As soon as the concert had finished, we dashed over to congratulate the singers, buy the CD and, of course, ask for their autographs!

Ever since then we have tried to keep a track on their work. Last year they announced that the group would be left on standby so they could concentrate on a solo project that Allison was working on, with the collaboration of JT Nero and a host of great musicians.

The resulting album Allison has created, Outside Child, is one of the best LPs we have heard in a very long time. Part of the inspiration behind the songs lies in the horrendous years of abuse Allison suffered as a child and teenager. But somehow, she has managed to transform this pain and suffering into a magical piece of art, a cry to resist and overcome. As we listened to the album, and read a few interviews with her, a variety of mixed feelings took over – impotence and helplessness, sadness and anger, but also surprise and hope in seeing how Allison has the strength to not just survive and overcome events which virtually destroyed her life, but to lay out a path of resistance in life, an example to give power and hope to other people trying to survive difficult situations.

Allison was born to a single mother with mental health issues. She spent her first years in foster care, I think, before returning to live with her mother at the age of 5 when the mother found a new partner. The “person” filling this role which should have provided love and stability was in fact an evil beast and he sexually abused Allison for the next ten years. Eventually, at the age of 15, in an act of bravery and self-determination hard to comprehend in one so young, Allison managed to flee the household and her attacker. A few years later, at the age of 20, she went back home to save her brother and report the ‘father/rapist’ (a white supremist, as she explains) to the police, managing to get him sent to prison for a few (too few) years.

The horrors of her childhood form the seed behind this work of art, but it is much, much more than a simple biography of Allison’s life. The songs bring together clear and forceful, no holds barred, lyrics with mystical and dream-like images, poetry and hope. As Allison states in interviews, rather than simply explaining the physical, psychological and sexual abuse she suffered, she aims to relate how she survived. The strength, optimism and hope within her, and how this all connects to the stories her grandmothers would tell her: her Scottish gran, explaining legends and traditional tales, and the mother of her biological father, from Grenada, with her stories of the generations of slaves dragged over from Africa. The result is an album full of tears and pain, magic and light, hope and resilience. At this moment in history, where we are talking more and more about the rights of minority groups, of women, of the LGBTI community, and serious problems such as racism and mental health, this is an album which deserves to be listened to with calm and attention. I would also add that, like certain novels, given the scope of the issues it deals with, perhaps as the listener grows older and more experienced, they may find more and more layers to these songs.

Musically, it is a breath-taking blend of soul, country and folk presented with the voice of an angel and lyrics which become pure poetry expressing raw feelings and emotions in a mixture of French and English. And the original touch of Allison’s clarinet solos add a pensive side to some of the songs.

The record has won plentiful praise and awards as well as three nominations for the Grammys and a mention in Barack Obama’s annual list of favourite albums! It looks like Allison is about to reap the success this record deserves but I’m also pretty sure that simply by creating this album and putting her thoughts into song, she has already succeeded.

A record to listen to from start to finish as it takes you up and down the rollercoaster of Allison’s life, through her suffering and the inner strength which enabled her to carry on. An album worth buying on vinyl or CD to read the lyrics and the introductions she has prepared for each piece. Nothing is out of place, every song is a gem. I won’t go over all of them here, though, as it’s best for you to discover them for yourself but if anyone’s interested in a little sample, here goes…

In 4th Day Prayer Allison sings about the days she left the hell of her house and managed to spend a few hours in the park, away from her adoptive father-rapist…

Old willow tree, it was my throne, till I went home,

Father used me like a wife, Mother turned the blindest eye,

Stole my body, spirit and pride,

 He did, he did each night...

“These are the best years of your life”,

 If I’d believed it, I’d have died.

The myth of the goddess Persephone symbolizes the story of how her life and mental health were saved. When Allison was 15 years old, she managed to spend nights away from home in the arms of her first lover, a girl from her high school class (I believe). The song shifts from the violence of the jackal (as she refers to the animal who mistreat her) to the tenderness of the first person to show her love, to return some sense to her young life. Eventually, the same year Allison managed to flee from home and  the rapist forever, even if it meant sleeping rough...

Blood on my shirt, two ripped buttons

Might've killed me that time, oh if I'd let him

He's slow when he's drunk, and he lost his grip on me

Tap tap tappin`on your window screen

Gotta let me in, Persephone

Got nowhere to go, but I had to get away from him

My petals are bruised but I'm still a flower

Come running to you in the violet hour

Put your skinny arms around me, let me taste your skin.

As well as finding salvation in the world of music, at the age of 19 Allison started work in the field of social care and help, working with women who have also suffered: mental health issues, drug addicts, prostitutes, victims of abuse and racism... she got to know many women living under the constant threats of society. The song All of the Women is dedicated to one of them, Shirley...

She's been a fixture as long as I've lived here

On the corner most every night for the last six years

When she's not there, I worry about her

I think of all of the women who disappear.

Last but not least, Nightflyer whose its poetic and bewitching lyrics represent more than any other song the message Allison wishes for us to go away with. She has resisted, she has survived. She carries within her the strength, empathy and courage of generations of women, a power she wants to pass on to her daughter and anyone else listening to this work of wonder which shines bright like a beacon in the darkness.

If you want to know more, this short event combining Allison's thoughts and songs is also well worth a listen!